Three Steps to Becoming a Better You

First posted in Malden Patch February 2, 2012

Have A Bumblebee Mentality

Nature teaches us everything we need to know on how to live our best lives if we just slow down and observe. Believe it or not, simple lessons that we take from an insect so small - the bumblebee - can greatly improve our lives financially, emotionally and socially.

1. Emotionally:  Accepting who and what you are:

A bumble bee knows its job from birth and accepts this - its true gift is to co

llect nectar for the colony, and it does what ever it can to achieve this goal.  

Many times as humans, we ignore the gifts we are born with. Maybe we do this because we do not know what that gift is, or feel we are not worthy of this gift.  Maybe you cannot make money from your gift (and money is important, don’t get me wrong), but by letting go or ignoring your gift you are letting go a part of yourself. 

There is nothing in this world that says you cannot make money and be happy at the same time. You are worthy of your gift, and you yourself are a gift to this world.

2. Financially:  Plan for the future

A bumble bee plans for its future. It works its tail off collecting nectar knowing that the flowers will fade and that “winter” is coming. 

As in all nature, the bumblebee only takes what it needs to survive, and no more.  In addition to taking, the bumblebee unknowingly gives back through pollination allowing other life cycles to continue, which in effect allows the bees to continue.  

Look at your own financial situation.  You work your “tail off” - so are you prepared for the winters in your life? Maybe you take more than what you need and are floundering in a financial whirlpool. Invest in your future starting today and start small.  Even if you give up buying a coffee a day from your favorite coffee shop and put that $2.00 in a jar everyday, you will have easily saved $728 in one year.

3. Socially:  Focus on you and let others focus on themselves

A bumblebee can collect nectar on a flower not caring that there are other insects doing the same on the very same flower. The focus the bumblebee has is on itself and that of the colony. 

Be like a bumblebee. Worry less about gossip and what others think. Have a plan and a goal for your family or yourself that works for you and let others do their own work. What business is it of theirs or yours what the other does? 

By focusing on yourself and your goals, you are removing all of the external clutter that surrounds you and you will be that much more productive and able to complete your goals.

The Unlikely Hero - The Impact of Chris Herren On The Teenagers in My Family

He stands at 6’2”.  He can look imposing on the basketball court; yet, he is only 12 years old - and I worry. 

He has been called the gentle giant - among other names - and is respectful to others in his quiet, unassuming way. Some days he is teased unmercifully by his peers at school because he towers above everyone in the classroom and all he wants to do is “fit in” - and I worry. 

He has been blessed to have people in his life that care and look out for him when I am not around. Coaches like Glenn (the big brother) and Coach Charlie who both are trying to teach him that life is bigger than sports. But, there are others that want him because he is different on the basketball court, forgetting (or not caring) that he is young and impressionable from all of the pressure. What decisions will he make to fit in? Will they be the right decisions?

She is 14 years old. Strong, athletic and at times imposing if you are looking on the outside - and I worry.

She is quiet, choosing at times to remain silent instead of speaking up for herself.  As with many high school freshmen, she struggles to find her place in this new environment. 

Some of the athletic leaders (who have forgotten they were freshman once, and who have had the opportunity to shape my child in a positive way) have chosen instead to ostracize her at times because of their own insecurities - and I worry.  All she wants is to be given a chance; to fit in. Instead of listening to the positive, she like many of us, listens more to the negative. 

For her, it has been both an exhilarating yet tough freshman year - and I worry. What decisions will she make to fit in?  Will they be the right decisions?

Any parent of a teenager knows that feeling; the feeling of worry that comes with the voice constantly nagging in the back of our head, asking ourselves “are we doing enough?" We work hard to empower our kids, but ultimately the decisions they make in their lives are theirs and, of which, only they can be accountable for.   It is because we know this, we all worry.

There are those at Malden High School who not only care but recognize the struggles that teenagers and athletes have on a daily basis. Because of this caring, they made the decision to ask Chris Herren to come and speak. 

When I heard that Chris Herren was coming to tell his story, I jumped at the chance to have my two teenagers listen. Yes, I did worry that they wouldn’t “get it” or understand the message that Mr. Herren was trying to convey to the students regarding his own poor decision making, and I knew his message was going to be ugly to hear: Here was a former NBA player that lost not only his basketball career but his self-worth to drugs. 

Yet, anyone that has heard of Chris Herron knows his message is not one of defeat, but of hope  As he said in an interview with T.J. Mcaloon: “To tell kids that these are the things that are going to pop up in life and that basketball is not the be-all-end-all in life. There are much more important things in life like health and your mental/ emotional well being is important, because without that you have no basketball.”   

I could not attend the lecture by Chris Herren, and did not know the topic or the impact it would have on my children until they entered the car.  My “quiet” son, and daughter talked and talked almost non-stop about the lecture. 

“Mom, did you know…..” and then they would relay another part of the commentary from Chris Herren.  They both talked about the drugs (oxycontin and heroin) that were taken, the peer pressure that was felt, the curiosity of what it would be like to try a drug. They spoke of what the cost of that curiosity was to Mr. Herren’s life, the cost of the decisions that were made by him and what a high price he had to pay.  

I will no longer underestimate what my children understand from hearing a story such as Chris Herren’s. I am still a realist and know that eventually his lecture will fade in their memories, but there is a hope inside of me that if and when the time comes, they will remember bits and pieces and make the better choice or decision. 

Chris Herren has become an unlikely hero in the eyes of both of my children and to me.  A hero not only because he persevered, but has risen to bring hope and inspire others. My children have learned from Mr. Herren that their own mistakes do not need to be held over their head, but that every moment, every second, is a person’s chance or opportunity to do and be better. 

To learn more about Chris Herren, visit his website.

Update on Monday, February 27, 2012 at 9:50AM by kilebode

This was run in the Malden Patch on February 16, 2012.

Staying in Kindness - Week One - January 22 - January 28

Keep Smiling!

Four days into the first week.  Trusty car has broken down again with a strange aliment (Which I found out later was the cable/pulley snapping from the steering column.)  I personally believe that it is the service departments fault when they fixed my suspension the previous Friday; yet they say "no, this was an anomaly".  Certainly NOT very reassuring.

Yet I smiled.  OK OK.  No I did not smile but I TRIED!   I remained calm though and thought of smiling.    Here is where my kindness test really kicked in.   

1. This second breakdown happened on a Monday night as I was attempting to bring my twelve year old to basketball practice at 6:15 pm. 
2. I immediately called the Volvo dealerships and told them I couldn't steer my car.  They asked me to call AAA and have it towed. (I calm down a bit and even crack a smile.  OK good.  I have AAA.
3. AAA representative tells me I DO NOT have AAA but can get it reinstated for $110.00  (lose the smile)
4. Call the father of my children to let him know I have no car in which he calls the dealerships and tells them to get me a rental and that I cannot be without a car.  I would also like to point out, I had done the very same thing with no results.  (Three steps back for woman kind).

I stayed in kindness.  I smiled whenever I sensed my world crumbling around me through this mini crisis.  I began to fill my head with gratitude lists. 

• I was not driving when the cable snapped
• I have a rental car
• I am still able to purchase the groceries and cook at the soup kitchen where I volunteer
• I have friends that supported me and was there for me; drove my kids to school; listened to me vent.

Through my smiling and gratitude list - strange thing started to happen - I felt better.  My situations hadn't changed one bit, but you know what?   I really did feel better.

When my kids came out of school - I smiled at them even though I did not feel like it.  When I dropped my son off at the Malden Catholic basketball game, I smiled before he left the car.  When I went to my daughters Malden High School basketball game, I smiled at her from across the way.  I smiled and waved to people I knew.  I was exhausted mentally and physically and quite frankly it hurt to smile but dog gone it I persevered and SMILED.

And you know what? I no longer was PRETENDING to feel better - I actually was better.

I googled smiling and I liked this page the best on About.com  http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongbeauty/tp/smiling.htm    In particular #2 and #6:

2.  Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

Courtesy of www.about.com

What does this have to do with kindness?  Being in a foul mood is only going to make you and everyone around you more foul.  The situation is what it is.   Some of it completely out of your control.  So, make the decision to change what YOU can change and let the rest take care of itself.

Big Smile to YOU!!!

Kelly

49 Weeks of Kindness - THE BEGINNING....

It has been a bad week all around with the car breaking down, money drained and the dog having the runs after snagging a fiber bar from the 14 year old's backpack *gagging while I am writing this at the memories*.    The kids seemed to suck up every negative energy cell from me; and then they began morphing into 3 balls of darkness as they started to plot each others deaths as only children can while asking me why they could not have been the only child.  After 48 hours of hearing them nit picking and screaming at each other, I found myself plotting their deaths also and everyone else’s for that matter, around me.   Asking the question to myself "WHY did I have children?"

“WOW!!!” a good friend of mine stated as I glared at her during my rant and tales of woe over coffee.  “Aren’t you the person of kindness…the seer of seeing the light through the darkness?”  For a split second I wanted to dope slap her.  Even as my hand itched to do so, I had to admit that she was right.  What was happening to me?

Thus begins Week one of trying to stay in Kindness.

Kelly

Thanksgiving Reflection

It is no secret that I speak much about kindness and while it is a virtue that I myself have to work on everyday to maintain, (sometimes without success) I encourage you all to reflect on the words of Bo Lozoff, from the Human Kindness Foundation as we celebrate this Thanksgiving Holiday.

In the midst of global crises such as pollution, wars and famine, kindness may be too easily dismissed as a "soft" issue, or a luxury to be addressed after the urgent problems are solved. But kindness is the greatest need in all those areas -- kindness toward the environment, toward other nations, toward the needs of people who are suffering. Until we reflect basic kindness in everything we do, our political gestures will be fleeting and fragile.

Simple kindness may be the most vital key to the riddle of how human beings can live with each other in peace, and care properly for this planet we all share.

- Bo Lozoff